So I was originally a member of this group in early 2006, when my mom
was first diagnosed with breast cancer. That same year my mom
finished up her treatments, and had surgery to remove what was left of
the cancer. A year later, in late 2007, my mom suffered from severe
breathing problems which we later discovered was a result of her
breast cancer spreading to her lungs. And recently, I discovered that
her doctors had informed her that her cancer spread to her brain.
And, now I find myself back in this group seeking advice.
While the news that my mom's cancer had returned was devastating, it
hurt even more receiving the news on the phone. You see, I attend a
college approx. 400 miles away from home. And I was wondering if there
is any one out there in a similar situation? I feel guilty for being
at school while my family struggles to pick up the pieces at home, and
while my mom suffers through her cancer treatments. My parents want
my to stay in school and not worry (which is why it took them a month
to tell me that her cancer had spread to her brain). While, I go home
a lot (I think I've spent about $2,000 on plane tickets this past
year), I know that I shouldn't have spent all that money just for
flights. I'm in this weird situation where I want to be at school
because I'm at my dream school and have so many opportunities, but I
don't want to be at school because the situation I'm in is so
paralyzing that it's affecting my school work, paticipation in clubs
and activities, etc. I'm basically tearing myself up trying to figure
out what my priorities are. If there's anyone out there who can
relate, what did you do? Did you take some time off school? I know
this sounds kinda selfish, but did you feel like you put your dreams
on hold?
I don't know... I'm turning 20 this year, and I feel like I'm at this
prime time in my life with school and everything so I should take full
advantage of my college experience and being such a large, diverse
city. But at the same time, I love my family and it kills me to watch
my dad work 10 hour days just so he could get one day off to take my
mom to her treatments, then having to do all the groceries and
housework, AND its crazy because my relatives are also helping out by
taking my mom to doctor appointments, picking up my younger sibling
from school, etc. Plus, I want to spend as much time as I can with my
mom because I really don't know how long she has.
Sorry, its such a long post. I had a lot on my mind.
=)
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