You have to stop and ask yourself, if your mothers illness could stop right here she would be out of pain you both could walk away from cancer, but still have the damage from it at this point and time. Do you think your mother, or you want to see your mother in the state she is in know. There comes a point for you and your mother of the point of no return, it is so so hard to accept that point, no matter what age you are or what age your mother is. Please keep in mindgood will only give you what you can truly handel, its important for you and your mom to both find your pease in the world.
May God keep you both in the palm of his hands
----- Original Message ----
From: MeGaN pAgE <megan2007_4208@yahoo.com>
To: daughtersofmomswithbreastcancer@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Friday, April 18, 2008 5:19:02 PM
Subject: Daughtersofmoms withBREASTCANCER Running on fear!!!
My mother found out that she had Breast Cancer in 2004. The tumors
in her breasts were very large. She immediatley went to the doctor
and found out that they were milignant. She was very couragous and
decided to make any necessary medical surguries recommended from her
amazing Oncologist, which included a double masectomy,chemother apy,
and also radiation. My mother is the bravest person I've ever know!!
Almost all the women on my mother's side of the family has had Breast
Cancer. My aunt June passed away from it many years back. She was too
stubborn to take care of her body. She was afraid of what might be
true.
She was taking Tomoxifen for a while, and also her mental health
medications. Unfortunatley the doctors told her that she had a 90%
chance of the Cancer coming back. Obviously my family was holding
onto that 10% chance of it NOT returning. I remember when I was
outside brushing her beautiful brown hair... it just starting falling
out & blowing threw the wind. I was so afraid for her. I didn't think
she would be as strong and brave as she has been this long.
About 1 year later after Chemotherapy and Radiation and hormone
replacement therapy (Tamoxifen) she started loosing alot of weight.
Much less energy than ever before. I felt as if I would loose my
mother any moment. I never knew what to do for her. I remember the
doctors reminding her that less stress will do wonders for the
Cancer. Unfortunatley my family circumstances put alot of strain on
her. I feel absolutley horrible about that. I feel as if I made the
Cancer return.
Anyways; as I sit here and try to concentrate on typing this to the
whole world to read....my mother has returned to the hospital. She
has been there for almost 3 weeks. I hope this makes since to you
reading this because my mind is just absolutley flooded, I don't know
what to think!! Her Cancer has now spread to EVERY single bone in her
body and she has recently been fainting due to the extreme bone pain
in her left knee. The Cancer is bluntly eating her alive. The doctors
called me just this morning and informed me that her blood pressure
is very low, she has no appetite and has lost 20 lbs in just 3 weeks.
They told me that we are now taking it hour by hour. The Cancer has
also spread to her skull and liver.
It's not my mothers time yet!! She can't leave me! God doesn't want
her yet!! I love her very much and at the same time I want God to
take her so she won't have to live in so much darn pain. Why is this
happening to her? Why keep trying to fight something that she won't
win? I don't want her to struggle anymore!! She is such an amazing
person to me and our family. I keep trying to call her all day today
and no answer. I am so scared. Anyone that could help me get threw
this with any suggestions or inspiring thought, I would really
appreciate a response via-email. Megan2007_4208@ yahoo.com
Thank you for listening to my worry & pain.
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