Re: Daughtersofmoms withBREASTCANCER talking openly to mom

Dear Lisa, i am sorry for the spot you are in, it is almost identical as to my situation 6 years ago (350 miles an 18 month old and a 4 year old - not school age at the time) the only advice i can offer is spend as much time as possible with her (weekend trips if possible). if she is up and still running the kitchen she may not be ready to talk about the next step yet, she is still in the battle (which is great)!!!! trust in your heart that you will know when is the time to talk about arrangements (do them before hand - it is so so so much easier), and you will know when the time is right to take off work and pull the kids out of school. you may want to talk to American cancer society or even hospices (it doesn't cost a thing to talk to them) ask them to go over the emotional stages with you so you know what to look for. i send wishes and prayers your way that her time is latter than sooner. in the mean time keep your head up, seek help when you need it,
its a very long dark tunnel...and that's all i can say is i promise you will come out the other end.
Laura

----- Original Message ----
From: lisasabine <lisasabine@yahoo.com>
To: daughtersofmomswithbreastcancer@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Saturday, March 22, 2008 1:15:17 PM
Subject: Daughtersofmoms withBREASTCANCER talking openly to mom

Hi. I am new to this group. My mom has had a reoccurance (over a year
ago) and just recently found out it has spread to a bone in her spine.
I live far from her and occassionally get to go with her to her appts.
She is now having pain and it seems that they have stepped up her
treatment even more. I am having a hard time getting clear answers
from my mom. She tries to protect me from bad news, but I really need
information! I do not want to upset her, but I want to try to have a
realistic picture of the time she may have. I would try even harder to
be with her (taking off work, taking the kids out of school). I want
to have a real discussion about her wishes when that time comes. Based
on what others have told me and what I have read, her time could be
limited. Any advice on how to open up conversation without sounding
like you've given up the fight. Of course, I want to support her while
she continues to fight, but do not want to look back and wish I had
done more, said things differently. ..Thanks for any support you may
offer.

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